All musicians have a tale to tell.... I'm sure concert secretaries do also...

The maxim  "always be prfofessional" can at times be tested.
Here are a few tales to tell from various scources.
I hope you will enjoy some of the lighter side of being a "serious" entertainer..

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Bloody 'ell they look loud !!

You'll 'ave to move them speakers pal cos we can't see 'telly !!

'Bloody ell lads I can't pay yer..' etc.

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One Saturday evening.....

Got there at 7:00 on stage at 8:05...30 mins
stuck to keeping vol down and 60's stuff....light applause...
 
8:35 to 9:05 grumbling noise coming out of the clubs house PA told to turn OUR pa off due to the “awful banging noise”….
 
9:05 to 9:35 did our second set keeping with the 60's & 70't theme. Light applause…
 
9:35 to 10:35
1.  lent out a spare microphone lead to help them with the house PA problem....still being told to turn our pa off  by the committee and the bingo players.
 
2. concert sec. came to us....complained that we didn't turn up on may 31st according to his diary. (on this day our drummer was playing at the annual flying club party, same as he has done for last 3 years and we were never available)
 
3. THEN complained to us about not having a girl singer !!!
 
4. Bingo finished late due to their crap house pa playing up.  We went on 10min late due to this.
 
10:42 to 11:00 did our last set with a bit more gusto, dance floor started to get some attention.
 
Finished at 11:00 as per the instructions on the 'artiste times' sheet, taking applause and waiting for the concert sec. to announce the  'plus 2 more'…as per "artiste" time sheet.
 
To the cheers of more!! and can you do 'all or nothing'... the Chap with the microphone at the Concert sec's  desk blurted out  "the concert sec. says… no more thats it.......' 
This was due to someone collapsing in the concert room and an ambulance had already been dispached to attend.
 
11:00  Got complaints about not doing any encores.

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One of our guys was recalling a time when drummer...he of the shed and billiard cudgels fetched the clock of the wall behind the bar at a pub. Such was the sheer volume and ferocity of his playing. The landlord consequently had an appeplectic seizure and blamed us for everything from curdling the ale to the departure of the bloke and his bull-terrier who were the audience.

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The landlord, somewhat un-impressed with our set of raw original rock stuff, said to us at the end of the night..'Yuv got ten minutes to pack 'tackle up or I'm settin 'dog on yer!!

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I was going out as a duo... on arrival at the venue, the Landlord there asked us to set up on the pool table!!!

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I was working with a party-soul band. Behind the playing area is a large window backing on to the River Trent. We'd just launched into Mustang Sally or some such ditty when the whole thing suddenly fell apart as drummer, not known for his delicate turn of phrase, yawped down his mic...'kinnel lads look at this f****r!!' A motor boat passed by in slow motion and a guy and his gal were on deck hiding the sausage, now in full view of both the band and the audience. We were totally paralyzed with hysterics.

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Same drummer, same band...we had a new saxophonist playing his debut...not very experienced and very nervous. At the start of second song -the drummer yawps down his mic...'Ayup..ton the c**t off...he's outa tune'!!!